5 Questions to Ask Instead of "What's My Purpose?"

I had to have a come to Jesus moment with one of my clients this past week.

We have tools & practices in place for her to manage her energy at her 9-5 so while she’s not necessarily dying at her job anymore, she yearns to live a more creative and purpose driven life and would eventually like to leave that job.

But she’s tired. She's apathetic. All of her energy is going towards staying afloat and because she’s so ready for something to be different, she’s been putting immense pressure on herself to have "it" all figured out. 

It = her purpose.

But instead of this question, "what’s my purpose", giving her clarity, it’s causing her to feel even more pressure and stress; adding to the metaphoric hamster wheel instead of helping her get off of it.

She admitted that she feels a sense of shame because she’s been asking that question for years and she doesn’t have a clear answer.

I asked her if she felt like asking the question "what’s my purpose?" Over and over again was getting her closer to that answer and she said No, it wasn’t.

I said one simple thing back to her: You’re probably not asking the right questions.

Bianca , Does this sound familiar to you? Because I think a lot of us are at a crucial turning point right now; feeling caught and uncomfortable in a liminal space, so ready to cross a threshold; so ready to have a change that we're likely putting more pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out.

I get it. I was on that hamster wheel for many years (and still like to get on in it from time to time) and I also asked that question with the hope that it would eventually get me off of it and give me the clarity and direction I was so desperately looking for.

Just like with my client, it did the opposite. It gave me more stress and sent me into deeper holes of isolation, shame and despair.

Eventually I realized that the energy of that question was keeping me stuck in the same cycle of stress, nervous system dysregulation and constriction that I was trying to escape and that if I wanted different energy and a new experience, I needed to ask different questions.

I’m going to be honest with you Bianca , this question of "what’s my purpose" feels old.

The only times I find that people can answer that (and that answer also changes throughout our life) is when they've surrendered and let life take them on a journey and come back with the gems that they earned in their discoveries.

The question on its own does not lend itself to an answer.

A big reason for this is because there’s no space for collaboration when we ask it; there’s no space for life to work with and through us; there’s no space for connection, mystery, adventure, growth and magic.

It's the type of question that keeps us in a state of tunnel vision, demanding the answer be shown to us in a very specific way, closing us off to the myriad of ways it's trying to make its way to us. 

It’s a question that holds an unfair expectation of receiving a perfectly wrapped answer without having to change/let go of anything, go through (and embrace) the unknown or the twists, turns and curveballs that life has in store for us.

And yet, it’s when we surrender to those exact things and detach from the outcome that we usually find ourselves living into the answer, vs. searching for it.

Capitalism is steeped in urgency and rampant individualism. It has us wanting immediate answers. It wants instant gratification. It wants us to operate from a linear place of A + B = C. 

It wants us to "pull ourselves up from the bootstraps" and push through until we find an answer........by ourselves. It tells us that doing it this way proves our worth and shows we are capable of "figuring things out"........even if we exhaust ourselves in the meantime.

But that’s not how this works. That formula is often missing collaboration with forces bigger than ourselves, spiritual / healing work, being uncomfortable, taking risks and it’s an isolating question so it keeps us deeply disconnected from others and the world around us.

And yet again, this is so often where our answers are found: Engaging with life, doing our healing work, being in community, self-reflection and making (sometimes difficult) changes.

If we want an answer to this question in a way that is aligned with our deepest truths and makes a difference in the world, we can’t skip steps. We can’t cut corners. It perpetuates a harmful cycle of shame and stress and keeps us from the world so many of us wish to see being created.

But if we can learn to let go of the urgency, let go of the *need* to figure it out immediately, stop the constant pushing, get used to hanging out in the unknown, surrender to the fact that life does in fact want to work with us, we can begin to shift this (sounds easy, right 😉?).

And as always, we can start simply. We can start with just asking different questions.........and then *allowing* life to surprise and dare I even say, delight us, in how it responds.

5 Questions to Ask Instead of "What’s My Purpose" (Supporting practices below in the resource section)

1.) How Can I be of service / How can I contribute?

At the end of the day our "purpose" is not really about us. It's about how we can express our gifts and dreams, let them live out in the world and do what they're supposed to do for whoever they're supposed to do it for. When we broaden our question, we take the spotlight (and pressure) off of ourselves and release our death grip on pushing for answers, which often has us have tunnel vision and miss the signs we are looking for.

2.) Who / what is a source of inspiration?

Inspiration is an energy and an energizing one at that. When we shift our focus from answers to inspiration we allow our energy to be re-channeled. Inspiration is not just a connection point for ourselves but it's a connection point to people, places and communities beyond us as well. Following our inspiration expands us and our capacity to detach from outcomes.

3.) How does life want to be channeled through me?

Life *wants* to support us. It may not feel like it sometimes but it's true. We are all unique vessels for it to move through and express it out into the world but it requires us to stop the ways we are deeply programmed to "figure it out" on our own (individualism), *push* and work hard to find an answer (capitalism) and isolate ourselves in the process. For those of us who thrive on doing the most (*raises hand*), it requires us to actually do less. Stop the forcing, stop the overthinking, stop the constant doing and find time to do less and just........listen.

4.) What does my intuition want me to know?

Our intuition is *alway* speaking to us, we just have to slow down enough and take the time to discern its language. Our intuition will usually never lead us straight to an "answer" around purpose but it will always support us in taking the next step in the right direction towards it. Every day is an opportunity to ask "what would you (intuition) like me to know today?"

5.) What brings me joy?

Part of our purpose in this life is to be connected to our joy and yet so many of us are not. Discovering and cultivating our joy is an ongoing practice - it's not just something that "happens." It requires us to do things differently, invest in ourselves, heal our pain points and limiting beliefs that keep us from joy, create more intimacy with self and others and take risks.

If you're looking for more clarity around re-discovering and/or re-defining purpose for yourself, the week long Creative Currency Mentorship offers a non-traditional engagement through audio notes for those looking for a high impact / lower level commitment way of receiving personalized support and guidance.