To Compare Is To Despair
A few months back I saw someone I follow on Instagram advertising an offering that was extremely similar to something I was also offering and I went on a spiral that I hadn’t experienced in what felt like years.
I had to use all of my tools and lean on support from my community because it almost caused me to not put that offering out that ultimately ended up supporting a lot of people.
You see, one of my personal wounds that seems to be an onion with many layers is the wound of comparison.
It’s one that I’ve dealt with my entire life (far before social media made it a problem for most people) with some moments being more pronounced than others.
I have done quite a lot of healing around it but……
If I’m honest, I have a feeling it’s one of those wounds that will continue to heal on deeper levels as time goes on but it will never fully heal (we all have a wound like this).
And I think that’s ok……. I don’t actually know if that’s the point of if or if I even want it to.
I’ve learned to offer myself, as well as my clients, a gentle reframe that I offer to you as well:
The more you get curious about the moments you find yourself comparing (or any wound that shows up), the more opportunities you have to understand yourself, heal yourself, grow and ultimately get clearer on who you are and who you are not.
I no longer resist when those moments come up because in a way, it serves as a reminder when I have veered off course from my own unique path and purpose and offers me a chance to connect with myself on a deeper level.
Because the reality is: when we are comparing ourselves to another, we are de-valuing our own uniqueness and divinity.
Recently, what’s allowed me to quantum leap around this has been the work I’ve been doing in a program I was awarded a full scholarship for, Maryam Hasnaa’s Etheric Gardening.
As I deepen into my studies as a healer and passion for flowers/flower essences the more I deepen into a truth that is repeated throughout the program which is that:
Our souls are like flowers: Just as every single flower is exquisitely different, so are we.
(Insert picture)
Just as a flower has its own unique look, needs, path of growth and purpose……so do we.
A rose only knows how to be a rose. A tulip only knows how to be a tulip. And a sunflower only knows how to be a sunflower.
They aren’t trying to be anything other than themselves.
If flowers aren’t comparing themselves or wondering what others are doing, why should we?
All of us have a unique blueprint and a divine reason for being placed on this Earth. No one else can do what you’re meant to do or how you’re meant to do it because you are the only one who has that blueprint.
Even if you use someone else as inspiration or vise versa, you are still the only one who can express whatever you’re expressing in the way you are expressing it.
You are the door, the lock and the key.
Lastly, I have found it helpful to remember that often times the very thing you may be in a comparison trap around often already exists within us in its own way and is simply asking for love, attention and/or an outlet for expression.
And if you find yourself stuck in a comparison loop, consider the following reflections:
What pain point is showing up for me around this? (i.e what negative self talk may I be telling myself?)
What does this remind me of (i.e: when have I seen this before?)
What might this pain point be trying to tell me?
How can I deepen into compassion and self-validation in this moment?
What actions can best support me at this time?
i.e: unfollowing or muting someone on social media if it consistently activates you
What do other forms of support look like for me?
Voicing what’s showing up for you to a trusted person so they can help reflect back to you the truth (that you are an exquisite flower)