The Gift of Jealousy

It’s Scorpio szn so I’d like to talk about jealousy.

I’ve been reflecting on this emotion a lot lately. I recently had an experience where a friend shared a major milestone of a dream of theirs and while one part of me was joyful, proud and excited for this movement for them, another part - and admittedly a larger part - felt intense jealousy. Ironic, considering part of my passion and purpose is aligning people with their correct dreams and guiding them on how to make it happen.

I could feel my own shadow appearing (Hi, her name is Medusa). That pressure in my chest. The part of me that wants to lash out; that wants to be manipulative; that wants to put down the other person to make myself feel better; the dark side of me that fears success for others equates to less success for myself.

Jealousy is a tough one for me because I so badly want to be above it. I always want to be more spiritually “above” what I perceive to be a silly emotion. But I know better. I know I am not “above” any emotion because I am human and this is part of the human experience. I have however trained myself enough now to know that reactions like these are not rooted over there in the other; they are never about the other person and they are always an opportunity for deeper healing for myself.

In this specific moment of intense jealousy, instead of trying to push it away out of fear that I am somehow “lesser” by feeling this, I allowed it to grow inside of me. I used Tapping to give it a voice. I allowed myself to fully feel the depths of its existence and when I did this, without trying to change what it looked like, I was able to transcend jealousy and get to the root.

As with so many challenging emotions, I hit that point of pain; the rupture that was causing the symptom that was jealousy. 

I tapped and I asked my pain (and my shadow) what they needed to say. I told them that I was there to listen without judgment and what I discovered, as always, was gold. And that gold was the story running in my nervous system that I cannot have what I want; that I am not worthy of my dreams; I am not worthy of success; that it is unsafe for me to express myself in the way(s) that I truly want. 

I allowed myself to cry. Tap. And then cry some more. Cry for all the times in my life where I told myself or society told me that there is not enough room for everyone to shine; for all the times when I suppressed my vision so someone else could shine because that felt both easier and safer; I cried for the times that my self expression did not feel fully honored either by others or by my own self. I cried for all the times past and present that I told myself “you are not enough.”

And once I had no more tears left to cry and my pain had spoken, I thanked it and I thanked jealousy for showing up to show me the places that are still unhealed within me. I thanked the jealousy for actually shining some light on things that I want in life by showing me what’s possible with others. I thanked it for actually giving me insight as to where I might want to put more attention for myself and my dreams and where I might be avoiding / suppressing / minimizing my own vision(s).

And that is why emotions are so critical especially for the visions of our lives that we’re creating. When we suppress / ignore / judge our emotions, we are missing out on critical information, clues and puzzle pieces as to the fullness of our dreams. This is why the emotions we find challenging are just as important as the emotions we deem as “good.” If I had ignored my jealousy, how could I have known that there’s parts of my own dream that have been hidden from view? That I actually want to express myself in bigger ways? That I want to explore different forms of creativity like performance art, acting and modeling?

Do we want to stay stuck in challenging emotions? No, of course not. Just like we don’t want to put pressure on ourselves to only feel happy. The point is not to spend all day analyzing why we feel the way we feel. The point is to have enough discernment to know when an emotion needs to just pass through and when it needs to be followed to its root so deeper healing and clarity can occur. 

I’m a Gemini so living in the world of duality and contradiction is a natural state of being for me and encoded in my DNA; but the truth is that we all have contradicting emotions and we are all creatures of duality. That’s what it is to be human. The question is will we see this as a hindrance or a gift? Will we allow ourselves to see it as an opportunity to expand our capacity for self-love and the fullness of our wildest dreams? Or will we shame ourselves for how we feel and miss out on the clues to expand what’s possible for our lives?

Reveal It. Feel It. Heal It.