Emotional Regulation During Times of Crisis

We are not ok.

Individually, collectively…..we are not ok.

Because what is going on right now - multiple genocides, unspeakable oppression, unnecessary and unfathomable death, governments’ unconscionable disregard of human life…..is not ok.

In the past, especially as a highly sensitive person, I would try to avoid painful and distressing stories and visuals happening around me because I felt so deeply and would feel myself getting overwhelmed and dysregulated.

However, in the last couple of years, particularly since 2020 when the veil of disillusionment was lifted in a way that could not be unseen, I have made the very conscious effort to not only be in relationship with this overwhelm and discomfort but to actually make space for it; to invite it in.

It has been a deep and often painful growth edge but has been a consistent north star for clarifying, maintaining and living out my values.

In the midst of what I feel to be a very clear choice point in our society, I am doing the same thing now.

Because what I have come to realize is that actively avoiding pain and discomfort, particularly in moments like these, is avoiding seeing things as they truly are.

And we can no longer, individually and collectively, afford to do this (we never have).

Literal populations of human beings, entire bloodlines in Gaza (amongst other places like the Congo), are being eradicated and have been for a long time.

I see so many people out in the real and digital world trying to approach what is happening right now *purely* from an intellectual lens.

And don’t get me wrong, intellect is important, critical in fact.

Never has it been more important to understand history (particularly through the lens of (de)colonization) and context while being discerning about the information we are absorbing and who we are absorbing it from.

But in times of crisis (and beyond), I think we drastically undermine the importance of the body, the nervous system and emotional regulation when it needs to be a priority.

Why?

For one, purely from a logistics perspective, the amount of information we have access to at any given point in time is incredible but it's not normal or sustainable.

Taking space away from the information overload is imperative.

But the question is, what are we doing with that space?

Are we disengaging so we can avoid discomfort? Or are we taking healthy space so we can process what’s showing up for us, emotionally regulate and continue to show up, whatever way that looks like / makes sense for us.

It’s extremely important to figure out the ways to stay engaged both with our own experience as well as the collective experience(s); we cannot afford to burnout and turn away.

When we can step away and emotionally regulate, create literal space in our minds and bodies, we create more capacity to be with what is, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be.

In his book, ‘My Grandmother’s Hands”, Resmaa Menakem refers to this metabolizing of our emotional pain and discomfort as “clean pain.”

“Clean pain is the pain that mends and can build our capacity for growth. It is the pain we experience when we don’t know what to do, when we are scared, and when we step forward into the unknown anyway, with honesty and vulnerability. Experiencing clean pain enables us to engage in our integrity and when we can move with it, metabolize it, we can grow (Menakem, R., 2017, pg. 19).”

But if we are not processing our emotions, letting them physically release from the body, no amount of intellect will change how we are responding to a situation, a crisis, in real time.

Why?

Because our nervous systems are never not trying to keep us safe. It’s why they exist.

And when we feel threatened and/or we have unprocessed emotions, stress and trauma stuck in the body, that instinct will always override intellect and “reason.”

That threat can be very real or can be perceived; the brain doesn't know the difference.

This is why I do not try to have conversations, particularly right now in this moment, with people who are very clearly in a deep trauma response; there is literally no space in their nervous system.

This is not a judgment or attack; it's just an acknowledgment that the best thing that can be done is taking some time to process in some way and regulate.

Without tending to the body and its physical/emotional experience, no matter how smart or “reasonable” we think we are, the lizard brain, the part of our brain responsible for fight/flight/freeze, will dictate our behavior(s).

In his book, Resmaa refers to this avoidance of pain and emotional processing as “dirty pain.”

“Dirty Pain is the pain of avoidance, blame, and denial. When people respond from their most wounded parts, become cruel or violent or run away, we experience dirty pain” (Menakem, R., 2017, pg. 20).

When we avoid pain and discomfort, we also create more of it for ourselves and for others.

This avoidance doesn’t create or support a better reality. It distorts it.

…….if that’s not a major theme right now I don’t know what is.

This is how the oppressed become the oppressor; when the colonized become the colonizers.

Part of the reason history so often repeats itself is because we either refuse to engage in clean pain or don’t have the resources / awareness to do so.

The blueprints of past traumas remain stuck in our body and get passed down from one generation to the next re-creating violent reality after violent reality.

To heal individually and collectively, we must be willing to engage in clean pain.

Particularly in crisis, we must have the courage and willingness to look at the facts that may disorient and dysregulate us as well as the emotions that do the same.

Amidst our immense grief, anger/rage, disappointment, clean pain is what keeps both our hearts and minds clear and open.

It's what allows us to feel our pain without becoming it.

It maintains hope as well as empathy and if we are to imagine a new future, we cannot afford to lose either of those.

The point of emotional regulation is not to simply feel better. That is important but that's not the end goal.

We emotionally regulate so that we can have the ability to see ourselves, others and the world clearly and act in accordance with truth vs. in response to trauma; to create a sense of internal stability and coherence so our external values and actions reflect that.

We emotionally regulate, individually and collectively, so we don't get lost in the seas of despair, apathy and stuckness and allow violent realities to continue.

We metabolize so we can mobilize.

So, during times of great distress how can we process our pain while maintaining hope?

At this point, the information is endless and widely available on the internet but here are a few things I am practicing:

Emotional / Spiritual Regulation:

1.) EFT/’Tapping’

2.) Connecting with friends and community I am close with, daily

3.) Movement: I often just intuitively move/dance in my room or engage with movement specific platforms

4.) Connecting with nature daily - from walks outside to simply staring at a tree or the sky

5.) Shaking

6.) Screaming

7.) Qi Gong

8.) TRE (Trauma Release Exercises)​

9.) Somatic Meditation​

10.) Prayer.

11.) Journaling / Voice Note or Audio Journaling (@JezzChung has some reflection questions here)

Maintaining Hope (Directly from ‘My Grandmother’s Hands’):

Take a moment to ground yourself in your own body. Notice the outline of your skin and the slight pressure of the air around it. Experience the firmer pressure of the chair, bed, or couch beneath you-or the ground or floor beneath your feet.

Can you sense hope in your body? Where? How does your body experience that hope? Is it a release or expansion? A tightening born of eagerness or anticipation?

What specific hopes accompany these sensations? The chance to heal? To be free of the burden of trauma? To live a bigger, deeper life?

Do you experience any fear in your body? If so, where? How does it manifest? As tightness? As a painful radiance? As a dead, hard spot?

What worries do you accompany the fear? Are you afraid your life will be different in ways you can’t predict? Are you afraid of facing clean pain? Are you worried you will choose dirty pain instead? Do you feel the raw, wordless fear-and perhaps, excitement that heralds change? What pictures appear in your mind as you experience that fear?

If your body feels both hopeful AND afraid, congratulations. You’re just where you need to be. (Menakem, R., 2017., pg. 24).

Sending you regulation and hope,

Bianca